How many times do you tell your child, “No!” in a day? Usually, saying “No” can be parents’ way of trying to keep their children from getting hurt or making a mess. Unfortunately, refusing kids too often can also backfire. Audrey Ricker, Psy.D., co-author of Backtalk: 4 Steps in Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids, tells Parents that saying “No” too frequently can cause a child to become desensitized to its meaning. It might even make her resent her parents or rebel from them.
More positive ways to say “No” to your child
In dangerous situations, saying “No” might be necessary, but in daily life, there are better ways to discipline, deny, or resist giving in to your child’s tantrums than just saying “No.” Learn about five positive ways to say “No” to your child without causing any drama at home.
Turn it into a conditional “Yes”
A conditional “Yes” simply means allowing your child to do that thing she is asking for — as long as she complies with a certain condition you have set. For example, if your tot asks for a sweet snack, instead of just saying “No,” tell her, “Yes, you can have a snack — after we finish dinner.” Thrive Global says that this tactic can help children learn about boundaries and improve their sense of self-control without causing a power struggle or unnecessary drama.
As Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, and Tina Payne Bryson, a pediatric and adolescent psychotherapist, write in their book No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind:
“An out-and-out no can be much harder to accept than a yes without conditions. No, especially if said in a harsh and dismissive tone, can automatically activate a reactive state in a child (or anyone). In the brain, reactivity can involve the impulse to fight, flee, freeze, or, in extreme cases, faint. In contrast, a supportive yes statement, even when not permitting a behavior, turns on the social engagement circuitry, making the brain receptive to what’s happening, making learning more likely, and promoting connections with others.”
What other parents are reading
Avoid Feeling Guilty About Being Strict: 8 Guidelines for Positive Discipline
Avoid Feeling Guilty About Being Strict: 8 Guidelines for Positive Discipline
You Won’t Stop a Toddler Tantrum by Yelling. Try This No-Drama Discipline Approach
You Won’t Stop a Toddler Tantrum by Yelling. Try This No-Drama Discipline Approach
Explain why she shouldn’t do something
Kids are much smarter than some adults may give them credit for, and just like grown-ups, they deserve to know why they are not allowed to have or do certain things. This can help them learn to make better choices in the future. Simply saying “No” without providing any reason can rob them of that chance.
