I used to wonder what happened to mums when they had a child. Where did they go?
Almost symbolically, they seemed to gradually disappear from their own pictures and be replaced instead by baby photos. I don’t know why but it used to irk me a bit. I would wonder; how was it possible to get so completely lost in motherhood?
NOW I GET IT.
There IS a loss of identity when you become a mum. Well, there certainly was for me. You become consumed with all these things that never crossed your mind before; milk intake, nappy output, nap timings, meal plans, teething remedies. And somewhere along the way, you lose yourself a bit.
You forget how to talk about things outside the realm of mothering. You lose touch of the things that used to make you tick. Your repertoire becomes limited, and let’s be honest, a little bit dull.
Thankfully you find other mums; people you maybe wouldn’t have got on that well with before, but you’re all rattling around in this lost property box together.
I know deep down that I have gone awol since becoming a mum. I have almost forgotten that there is a world out there, distinct from motherhood, that I can also subscribe to. And share with Casey. I’m sure he too would like to know the person beyond mum.
And so I am slowly trying to reclaim my me-ness. I’m finding when I do, he actually enjoys it more. It feels more authentic. Just little things like we’ll have a dance around to the music that I love rather than the wiggles or taking the time to look half-human in the morning and repainting my old face on again.
It can be a balancing act, trying to help this little person develop their identity, whilst not forgetting your own.
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Words: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths)
Art by: Amanda Oleander Art
Words taken from: ‘Lessons: Reflections on Early Motherhood’ @mymothertruths
